Well, this month's Guest Blogger is very special to me. You can rest assured you're in for something wonderful when you read her words. She will tell you where to find her other work in the post, but I like that I can find her by my side whenever I need her. Carly Durham is a woman of rare quality and substance and I admire and adore her. You can look for a large dedication to her in my upcoming book - and an even larger one in my heart of hearts. Love you, Car. Readers: READ ON.
Writing a guest blog for a woman who I consider to be nailing it when it comes to being a woman who can do it all (which she herself admits, she does not and we do not have to do it all- be it all, she just wants to encourage us to do what we do overflowing with passion and love) surprisingly brought up some shoved away insecurities. I guest blog from time to time for random internet blog buddies and write occasionally over at adoption.com but a post for Life-As-She-Does-It felt daunting. And then she had to go and get the witty Katy Livingston to go first, leaving me the follow up post. I stand little chance. It’s like signing up for a meal train to bring my store-bought chicken or grilled cheese sandwiches the night after your foodie friend has listed she is making lambs with chimi-churi sauce and homemade buttered-pecan ice-cream. The "look-ahead" is a real technique to make sure you are not setting up your people for disappointment. Now here I offer you my boxed mac n’cheese with added hotdogs weenies after you just ate homemade beef bourguignon. Go ahead a lower your expectations my people.
While I no longer fear that I will be childless, my lack of fertility is a theme that runs deep in my life. Insecurity attached to infertility molds my thoughts and shapes my worldview.
What does it say about me? About God? About who I am suppose to be?
Honestly, I give it way to much power. Why do I let it take root so deeply?
Here is where we are at: We have never stopped trying. Really, how can I stop? After 5 years of charting, peeing, calculating, I know this stuff down cold and am constantly aware of where I am at in my cycle. Woman was created to bear children. Go forth and multiply. Labor and Birth.
What does that say about me that I do not join my fellow woman in this path?
In a moment of doubt and insecurity, I sought counsel and comfort in a friend after a month of disappointment and grief.
"It's not so much that I ache for pregnancy so much anymore, I just feel flawed to my very core. My body….. It's just I……… How come I don't do what I was designed to do! I hate my ovaries. UGH!"
Speaking TRUTH over me, she replied:
"I hear you what you are saying, on a whole, as a woman, what you feel women were designed to do. BUT YOU. YOU. You were fearfully and wonderfully made and designed. There is great purpose in that."
Can I hold on to that promise? Can I uproot the belief that I am failing in my "role" as a woman and rather plant the conviction that I was designed? That I was indeed fearfully and wonderfully made. (Psalm 139:13).
And further, when I question this truth, what am I saying about God?
Then I really dig in a little more, when I question this truth, what am I saying about my uniquely designed son?
I firmly believe he is fearfully and wonderfully made with this incredible extra chromosome. I would not for one-second question his design. Every inch! Every chromosome! (ohhh goodness- have you heard that he is the cutest baby in the world - because word is spreading fast!!!)
Thankfully, God, He is not afraid of the dark places my doubts and insecurities take me sometimes and He finds me there.
He would also be pretty cool about it if you wanted him to go ahead and shine some light on your dark places of doubt and disbelief if you want to ask him. Because while we cannot all rock turbans on hair and giant rings on our fingers like She does, we all have been designed to rock our own unique self. Sometimes we start to doubt that.
Life-As-She-Does-It friends, you are women so unique. If you stumbled here to read about a legit recipe to prepare with hopes to razzle-dazzle your people for a meal train, or you have come seeking encouragement on how to make the magnificent mundane, know that life as You do it has great purpose and significance. Perhaps you are fashioned to be the mom that wears yoga pants every day and puts on make-up once a year for your husbands work Christmas party but you read books to your kids in the best character voices and make a slammin-good lasagna. Or maybe you are the woman who does not leave the house without her lashes on and lips drawn, who started her own business and is not looking to start a family as she is diving into the calling God put on her heart. Either way. Every way.
Own it. You are a created woman. You've nailed it.