Smoke & Mirrors

He came to my apartment to pick me up and I was NERVOUS.  I was a single mother at the time so I made sure the kids were with a trustworthy babysitter...because I was going on my first 'official' date with Adrian Garcia. (I could have SWORN he said Garza the night I met him, but who cares?  HE WAS HOT) I don't even remember where we went to dinner.  I'm sure it was nice, but apparently uneventful.  I know we were enjoying each other's company, though, because when we got back to my place we decided to go upstairs and play cards with my ex-roommate, who is now Adrian's step-sister.  (Yea, I know, but that's a story for another blog so stay tuned)   Now at the time, I was a smoker.  (GASP!)  Smoking is HORRIBLE for you - I get it - and I no longer do it.  But I like to think while I was a smoker, I was a very cool smoker, because I smoked those really long (for the purpose of the story, you must know they were REALLY long), super-thin cigarettes called Capris.  So Adrian sits on my little futon in my little apartment next to my friend while I decide to 'have a ciggy'.  I was being cool, after all, and had to impress this hot guy on our first official date. I lived upstairs and had a balcony, and as a responsible mother, I dutifully headed for that balcony to smoke so as not to allow smoke in the apartment where two small children lived.   I opened the sliding glass door.  I put the cigarette in my red-lipstick-covered mouth (just trying to impress, Ladies and Gentlemen), and lit it - I was so sexy!  I turned toward the balcony to step outside, in a very cool and sexy manner, of course.  There's no other way to tell you what happened next except just to tell you.  I had forgotten to open the sliding screen after the glass door and with the cigarette (sexily) in my mouth I walked right into it.  Now, that's embarrassing enough on it's own, but not too bad.  HOWEVER COMMA, when I walked into the screen the (very long, skinny) cigarette was pushed straight up and the lit end landed on my forehead direct-center.  And it BURNED.  You could even hear the singe of skin.  My date and my friend had no recourse but to laugh, which left ME no recourse but to (fight through the pain) and laugh with them. Now hang tight here, Folks, because it's just getting good. I fall back onto the futon between the two giggling hyenas, trying to be the cute girl on the first date who can laugh at myself, too.  As I am laughing (and my forehead is smoking), I PASS GAS.  Well, we all know flatulence is funny at every corner unless you're stuck in an elevator with a big guy who ate beans and cabbage for dinner.  Adrian looked at me, eyes widened and lookin' like an owl, pointed right at me, and proceeds to laugh so hard I thought he would wet himself.  Of course, my friend joined him.  And I just sat there, with my burned forehead, holding a broken cigarette, in my own pew. Luckily, the story doesn't end there...that was part of the beginning.  He called me again for a second date.   But that's a story for a different day.   BE YOURSELF TODAY.  Look in the mirror and remember you're human like everyone else...and SOMEONE is gonna love you for it.  

He came to my apartment to pick me up and I was NERVOUS.  I was a single mother at the time so I made sure the kids were with a trustworthy babysitter...because I was going on my first 'official' date with Adrian Garcia. (I could have SWORN he said Garza the night I met him, but who cares?  HE WAS HOT)

I don't even remember where we went to dinner.  I'm sure it was nice, but apparently uneventful.  I know we were enjoying each other's company, though, because when we got back to my place we decided to go upstairs and play cards with my ex-roommate, who is now Adrian's step-sister.  (Yea, I know, but that's a story for another blog so stay tuned)  
Now at the time, I was a smoker.  (GASP!)  Smoking is HORRIBLE for you - I get it - and I no longer do it.  But I like to think while I was a smoker, I was a very cool smoker, because I smoked those really long (for the purpose of the story, you must know they were REALLY long), super-thin cigarettes called Capris.  So Adrian sits on my little futon in my little apartment next to my friend while I decide to 'have a ciggy'.  I was being cool, after all, and had to impress this hot guy on our first official date.

I lived upstairs and had a balcony, and as a responsible mother, I dutifully headed for that balcony to smoke so as not to allow smoke in the apartment where two small children lived.  
I opened the sliding glass door.  I put the cigarette in my red-lipstick-covered mouth (just trying to impress, Ladies and Gentlemen), and lit it - I was so sexy!  I turned toward the balcony to step outside, in a very cool and sexy manner, of course.  There's no other way to tell you what happened next except just to tell you.  I had forgotten to open the sliding screen after the glass door and with the cigarette (sexily) in my mouth I walked right into it.  Now, that's embarrassing enough on it's own, but not too bad.  HOWEVER COMMA, when I walked into the screen the (very long, skinny) cigarette was pushed straight up and the lit end landed on my forehead direct-center.  And it BURNED.  You could even hear the singe of skin.  My date and my friend had no recourse but to laugh, which left ME no recourse but to (fight through the pain) and laugh with them.

Now hang tight here, Folks, because it's just getting good.

I fall back onto the futon between the two giggling hyenas, trying to be the cute girl on the first date who can laugh at myself, too.  As I am laughing (and my forehead is smoking), I PASS GAS.  Well, we all know flatulence is funny at every corner unless you're stuck in an elevator with a big guy who ate beans and cabbage for dinner.  Adrian looked at me, eyes widened and lookin' like an owl, pointed right at me, and proceeds to laugh so hard I thought he would wet himself.  Of course, my friend joined him.  And I just sat there, with my burned forehead, holding a broken cigarette, in my own pew.

Luckily, the story doesn't end there...that was part of the beginning.  He called me again for a second date.   But that's a story for a different day.  

BE YOURSELF TODAY.  Look in the mirror and remember you're human like everyone else...and SOMEONE is gonna love you for it.