blended family

The Perfect Blend

When I met Adrian, it was clear we had similar "baggage". We both came from a not-so-amicable divorce, we both had children from that previous marriage, and we both were never going to get married again. (Ya see how that worked out, don't ya?)

These days, we live in a society of blended families. It's the norm, really. People never used to be as surprised to hear an older, married couple say they were celebrating their 25th, 40th, or 50th wedding anniversary. Nowadays, it's astonishing just to hear if someone hasn't been divorced at least once. And yep - I'm part of that society.

After we started seeing each other on a serious level (sounds so mature, doesn't it?), we knew that we weren't just seeing each other, but also each other's children. Then, when we got married, we knew we weren't just marrying each other, but becoming part of the parental units the children would share. I am a person of faith, and I can tell you that the moment I accepted Adrian's proposal, I prayed he would be an example of a man that would buy the truth and not sell it; gain wisdom, instruction, and understanding, and then deliver it to our children. I prayed with all my might he would put aside all judgment and generously share with the children his unconditional love he had for me, and that he would have a "Joseph-spirit", (Joseph, the step-father of Jesus, who, in my opinion was the greatest step-father who ever lived).

I prayed he would be the perfect father, and that together we would be the perfect parents.

Um, NO.

Though at the present time I am the richest woman in the world, it has not come without its trials, pitfalls, difficulties, and snags. The process has been less-than-perfect. There have been disagreements, arguments, knock-down-drag-outs, and moments we are less-than-proud of. We have seen illness, death, valleys, and psychiatrists. We have had seasons where we gained friends and family, but also lost friends and family. We have shared in drama, defeat, lost savings; had powerful, emotional lows, and scraped the bottom of life's barrel. And we did it all together.

Don't get me wrong, we have all - Adrian, me, AND the kids - worked at it with all our hearts, and the price of the success we share as a family unit came through that hard work and dedication. Because with all of those things, we have also seen grace, mercy, compassion, and triumph over illness. We have been taught endurance, grown in faith, strength, and perseverance, and learned to trust. We have celebrated the peaks, marriages, each other, life, and love. And we did it all together.

We have a beautiful family, and we are protective of that. We live a charmed life, always enjoying the things that most people don't see right in front of them, and we are joyful and thankful for that. But if it was all taken away from us tomorrow, we would remember that life is a big canvas and we threw all the paint on it we could; we would remember that we made the decision to be a family and commit ourselves to making it a success; we would remember that without the valleys there would be no peaks. We would remember that we were given the gift of being like a unique wine - the gift of being intricately perfected and blended.


This image is © 2015 by Life As She Does It. Please link back or credit if any content or images are used. 

This image is © 2015 by Life As She Does It. Please link back or credit if any content or images are used. 

Being a blended family is no easy task.  It’s been done since the dawn of time, though; even in biblical times.  Joseph is probably the world’s best-known and greatest step-dad ever!

Well our blended family dynamic is one we are consistently working on.   As people change and grow, so does the dynamic.  Jordan is our youngest.  He has always been our “quiet one”.  But, just like his dad, though he doesn't have much to say, when he does, it’s funny, crazy, or profound.

I remember showing him how to tie his shoe: “Over, under, around, and through…that’s how Jordan ties his shoe!”  I remember him saying the word shoes in Spanish – “zapatos” – and he would crack me up every time because of how deliberate and intentional he was about it.  I remember him saying he wanted to be a fireman when he grew up so I arranged for a tour of a firehouse – he screamed and cried the entire time, louder than the firetruck!

Once, he came home and said, “I’ve been thinking about what you were going to cook for dinner aaall day!  You’re a good cooker!”

All good memories.  I would be remiss if I told you it’s all been cheese and lollipops, though.  Of course, we have had disagreements.  Of course we have had misunderstandings.  Of course we have had moments of pain, suffering, and disappointment.  But that happens in ANY family.

I am grateful for Jordan.  Without him even knowing it, he has changed my life in so many ways.  Chelsea and Cameron are so outgoing and (booyah!) “in-yo-face”.  I've watched poor Jordan take a back seat to that so many times – but with quiet fortitude and grace.  I've learned that you can scream something to someone in a relationship without ever making a sound because of Jordan.  I've learned that sometimes that’s best.  I've also learned that you can love a child as though they are your very own, even when they are not because of Jordan.  I've learned that a blood relation does not mean unconditional love, but rather unconditional love deepens a relationship.  I've learned, because of Jordan, that there are more than two sides to every story, and that truth is vital.

I spend a lot of time writing blog posts about my family because they've all been strategically placed in my life to continue to form and mold me.  I blog about all the paths these people in my life have crossed and the way it’s made me become She – the way it’s helped me form my living legacy and the legacy I leave behind.  I've written about crossing paths with many different people, but before today, I’ve yet to write about crossing Jordan and the difference he’s made in me.

Who has made a difference in your life that may not get quite the credit they deserve?  Maya Angelou once said, “I’ve learned that people will forget what you said; people will forget what you did; but people will never forget how you made them feel.”

These images are © 2015 by Life As She Does It. Please link back or credit if any content or images are used. 

These images are © 2015 by Life As She Does It. Please link back or credit if any content or images are used.