Not everyone and not every time, but I’ve discovered that the majority of couples that have been together for a while tend to discourage newer couples......maybe it’s subconscious, may be it isn't, but either way - they do it. An example of what I mean: A baby bird couple with their brand new love-nest is holding hands and nuzzling noses in front of an older couple. “How long have you been married?” they ask. “Two years”, reply the baby bird couple. “Ooohhhhh. THAT explains it. Just wait until you’re at ten years! That lovey-dovey stuff WILL change!!”
Why does it have to? Adrian and I have been together 13 years, and married for 11 ½ of them, and I can guarantee we love and care for one another much deeper and more than EVER. We’ve discussed it, in fact. We definitely nuzzle and snuggle and hold hands and (get ready for it) are intimate – OFTEN.
We tease our daughter and son-in-law, Chelsea and Sam, a lot because they are so cheesy. She literally has six (and counting!) 'I Love My Hubby' t-shirts. And social media?? FORGET IT! They are so schmoopy-woopy that it gives ya a tooth ache when you read their status updates! We told them they had one year of newly-wedded bliss before we would start calling them out about it and they needed to cease and desist because it was ridiculous. Well, their one-year anniversary was this last week. And I’ve changed my mind – shame on us for ever trying to STOP them from openly caring for one another and spread the love! They can be as sugary and drippy as they want – it is NOT ridiculousness. It is a gem that they have such a magnificent appeal and affinity for one another and I pray I never discourage it again. They have even said to Adrian and I they have learned so much about how to be a loving couple from us, so why would I ever want to discourage them from shouting from the rooftops and having love and respect for one another?...for being love birds?
Here is the part where I want to make sure I’m real with you – am I saying Adrian and I do not get on each other’s nerves or have disagreements? No. You better bet your bippy nothing could be further from the truth. I have always said the hardest job in the world is being married to me and being the confident husband that lets me be myself. I’ve also said that our son-in-law is proof of the power of a praying parent. Being a couple is HARD WORK. If you’re willing to put in that hard work, it can only get better, and not be so hard in the long run. You can become mature, full-feathered love birds.
If you don’t believe in public displays of affection or that it’s possible to still get butterflies when your other half walks into the room (like I do), and you are certain that’s the way life as a couple is expected to turn out, then so be it. I just think we should try not to wring the love out of the couples that don’t share that belief by pushing those views on THEM and telling them that’s the way it’s supposed to be for EVERYONE.
Recently, I witnessed the face of baby bird drop when she heard from an angry bird how disappointing husbands become and that the blush on her cheeks when talking about her husband would fade with time. I looked baby love bird straight in the eyes and said “That’s not how my husband and I are and we’ve been together 13 years. He is the love of my life. Its hard work to keep it sizzling, but we manage. It’s SO worth it.” She looked at me with hope in her eyes as the angry bird snapped, “Well, that’s rare.”
And she’s right. It is.
We, as mere human beings (the bird analogy was for the sake of the post), tend to cling to the negative. We also tend to discourage naturally. The truth is, we ALL want encouragement, love, and respect for emotional wholeness in ANY relationship we have. Concentrate. Make certain you hold the relationships in your life to a high esteem and don't force your own negativity on those who seem happy. Keep it real, knowing it’s not an easy road - but if you're conscientious about what you say and how you say it; if you’re willing to admit that lovey-dovey is not ridiculous, but rather ATTAINABLE; if you choose to be a love bird instead of an angry bird and you’re swift to deliver the message that you’re on love’s side and it’s so worth it – IT WILL BE.